The real reason the marathon and I didn't see eye to eye

We will be welcoming a LITTLE LADY into our family on or around DECEMBER 15. Hopefully she comes before Christmas, but either way we are excited.

HOW WE FOUND OUT:
As we were in the final weeks of training prior to the race, I found myself acting funny. I was exhausted and lethargic. I just thought it was because I was running 30+ miles a week. (My goal is to run a marathon between each pregnancy, in hopes to stay in shape and to keep working towards some sort of goal) Anyways, the week of the race Sean and I were talking about when we would try to start adding to our family. I told him, one morning, that my body was so weird lately (still thinking all the running and weening Charlie from nursing were my answers) and that we would have to wait a few months for it to regulate itself again. That same morning I went to a friend's house. I asked her if she had problems when she weened her children. I also said that my body was probably just punishing me for working it too hard and that maybe I was coming down with some sort of bug. She insisted that I was pregnant. I denied and said there was no way. She brought me one of her digital tests (I was worried she was giving me such a nice test to take when I knew what the answer was going to be already). I really thought I would be so sorry when we saw that it was negative and I just used her last one. Lo and behold, I was numb when I saw the word 'pregnant' across the little screen. I was so numb to the whole thing, that I wandered home and sat there wondering how to tell Sean. He was planning to run home for lunch that day. He always checks the mail on his way in and thoroughly scans each piece of mail. I decided to write him an anonymous card and tell him in it. I couldn't wait to see his reaction. If only he could've seen my reaction when he called and said that he was in the middle of a complicated case and wouldn't be home. I made some lame excuse up and went in to bring him lunch and the mail. After what seemed like forever, we were alone and he was able to go through the mail. He waited, for what seemed like an eternity, to open the random card up. He was so shocked he had to read it a few times until he could process it. HE GOT SO EXCITED! We talked about how ironic it was that we had had that specific conversation that morning. He was sad that he missed looking at a pee stick and so off I went to get one at the dollar store. I took another one so that he could be a part of the excitement. Then we were both excited, nervous, in awe, and wondering what I would do that Saturday for the race.

We decided that my body was prepared for the race and that this little one came in the thick of training, so it must be out of our hands. That was why the race was SO hard. I vowed I wouldn't do another one again and just stick to half marathons. I am now thinking about the next one....

We also waited until I was 15 weeks to tell our parents and siblings. I didn't want either of our mothers to worry that I put the baby in harm's way running that race. The wait paid off. Everyone was happy and no one questioned our decision to have me run.

We are excited to become a family of four! Now, off I go to take a nap.

Mom's Notes: Charlie the toddler (14-16 months)

As I look at my blog and then to my toddler I realize that I am missing out on documenting several cute things he does. I only hope that as I sit here typing, I can remember those cute things.

I'll start with some easy stuff. He LOVES being outside in the sandbox, swimming pool, grass pile (yes, dried grass clippings lure him in), at the park, taking walks through the cemetery, hiking, camping, and anything with dad (watering the garden, mowing the lawn, and washing the car).

*side story #1* Sean decided to go out to mow the lawn while grandma Joanie was inside, with Charlie, playing toys. Charlie heard the lawn mower and started freaking out. Grandma took Charlie outside to see what Sean was doing. He immediately wanted to be put in the backpack to help Sean and started yelling at him, in his broken baby babble, for mowing the lawn without him. Looks like it will be a father/son chore until Sean's back says no.

Back to what he loves: books, grapes, eggs, treats, sneaking into my bag to get gum, his grandpas, bubbles, pulling everything out of drawers, being independent, cars, trains, airplanes, dogs, cats, sitting in the driver's seat, and attention.

*side story #2* I had to stop at Safeway to get a few things, and put Charlie in a car cart. That was the most peaceful shopping experience I have had. He was so quiet and just kept his hands on the steering wheel. When I had to take him out and put him in his car seat, you would've thought he was getting ten shots. He threw the biggest tantrum. So big that he almost wiggled out of my arms. I had to set all the shopping bags down just to get a better grip on him.

He HATES getting put into his car seat (which cuts my errand running down significantly) and sharing cars.

Charlie and Lacey played so well together on our trip to Oregon.....until she wanted to get in and have a ride. Thankfully Lacey is so sweet and forgiving. As parents we realized it's time for a crash-course in sharing.

Charlie is a talker. The words we've audibly heard and have been able to decipher are: GO!(whenever he wants to go outside this word is on repeat), mommy, daddy, dada, mama, mopa (grandpa), mayma (grandma), dog, puppy, choo (juice/water/milk/sippy cup), Ryder 'wyer' (yelled it at his cousin, Ryder's, baseball game), please (signs and says), more (signs and says), where'd it go (sounds more like 'ordigo'), poo, all done (signs), NO!, uh-oh, weeeee, whoa, yay, ball, hot (he'll say hot and then blow on what is hot), hello, hi, hello buddy (he said this the other day, while patting a little boy's back), swing ('wing'), bubble, turtle, yuck, cracker, and bye bye.

His day is a full one. We wake up, drop Sean off at work, take a walk with friends, visit a park/go to the library/visit friends, come home and do chores, eat lunch, read books, take a nap (anywhere from 2-3 hours long), play inside or outside, pick up Sean, follow Sean around the house outside or inside, eat dinner, play, bathtime, bedtime routine (brush teeth, books, sing, pray, rock), and finally go to bed. He sleeps from 8:30-7:30. He'd sleep longer, but we have to wake him to drive Sean to work. Hopefully one day we'll have a second car...... dream on, Rachel.

We are taking him to nursery now so that he'll adjust by the time he's 18 months (hopefully).

We love him more than we thought we could, and can't imagine how boring life would be without him.

Sean has said, on more than one occasion, that he just doesn't want him to get any bigger. He loves Charlie's hugs, cuddles, babbling, and that he's his little shadow.

*side story* Charlie loves the hymn books at church. As we sing he needs his own book. He'll sing his own songs along with us as he waves his arms, trying to follow the chorister. The other night he found a hymn book on our bookshelf. He picked it up and handed it to Sean. Charlie turned the pages until he stopped on a song. He then began to wave his arms about, to lead Sean. Sean started singing the song. When it was done Charlie turned to another song and proceeded to lead. This went on for half an hour and until we were rolling in laughter.

He said 'uh-oh' after he spilled the cereal's remains onto the floor, and then started munching away.

Kissing cousins. Maybe we should stop encouraging and taking pictures of this.

Hiking to Punch Bowl Falls, in OR.

Punch Bowl Falls

Picking up rocks to throw into the water.

Loving the slide at the park

Charlie has such a wonderful father.

We love visitors!

Today, at church, I felt homesick. This isn't a feeling I normally feel, let alone at church. In our ward there are several families that are interconnected. I keep discovering new connections between different ward members. Each time I see extended families all sitting together, I long to live near our families. If only we could get everyone in a small town somewhere.

In the past couple of months, we have had the pleasure of seeing several close family members. We have loved every minute of it and have always hated the goodbyes. 

In March, Sean's brother Jason and his wife, Wendy, came to stay with us for a night. We thoroughly enjoyed sitting around eating and playing games. They enjoyed seeing where Sean works and all that the farm life has to offer. After they left, I felt the lonely feelings that follow when you live in a cornfield far away from family.

Charlie loved playing with Uncle Jason!

In April, my sister-in-law, Eve, and her two children: Ethan and Ivy, came to visit. She drove down, all by herself, and even crossed a pass. They stayed for a few days. I loved having the company during the day and loved the security of someone sleeping on the other side of the house, close to Charlie (I HATE the set up of the house, for sleeping purposes. I don't like being so divided from my child). It always brings me comfort when someone is sleeping in the room next to him. Eve cooked wonderful Peruvian dinners! We were spoiled by all she did. I can't wait for them to come back again. 

Charlie kept going over to Ivy saying: "Hi. Hi. Hi." all the while petting her head. He loved her!

We got a surprise call from one of my favorite aunts, in mid-April, saying that she and her family were driving through and wanted to swing by for a visit. I instantly begged them to stay for dinner and games. This is why I have to run-- always eating and sitting! We loved having each member of their family here, squished around our small dinner table. As their van pulled away, I was looking forward to the next family encounter.

We got to spend the next weekend with my parents (post below). We loved seeing them!

At the end of April, we were the visitors. We went to Utah and visited lots of family. Have I mentioned how much I L-O-V-E family? (This trip is deserving a post of it's own, so that's all you're going to get for now) I was homesick for Utah the minute our plane departed, carrying us back to our cornfield.

An opportunity popped up to head over to visit friends and my side of the family. We were able to see my parents, sister, brother-in-law, nephews, and lots of friends. We packed the activities in. It was fun to be able to spend Mother's Day with my mother. The whole drive home I was begging Sean to move closer to family.

The end of May we were able to visit Portland (this trip will also have a post of it's own). Again, we were the visitors. We spent time visiting with friends, Sean's brother, his wife, and daughter. Charlie and Lacey are 7ish weeks apart and I love watching them play together. I love that they recognize one another. 

I love talking with my mother, mother-in-law, sisters and sister-in-laws. They are built-in best friends. I love joking with the dads, brothers and brothers-in-law. I love watching Charlie with all of his cousins, grandparents, and aunts and uncles. I scored in the family department! I couldn't imagine life without one of them in it. 

I hope that one day we can be within an hour of some family....someday. 

For now, we are happy and know that this is where we need to be. Bummer, I hate when what you want isn't necessarily what you need. We are a strong family of three. Being on our own has helped us create new traditions and has really helped us strengthen our relationships with one another. Living in a cornfield has its perks too: Charlie loves digging in mud, mom learns how to get out tough stains, dad enjoys watering and planting his own garden, and the harvest season is going to bring great canning, jamming, dehydrating, and cooking opportunities. We also have made wonderful friends here, and would be sad to say goodbye. Thankfully we aren't leaving.....just yet.

There's always a bright side; even when you live in a cornfield. 

Proof of the bright side:

A favorite for both the father and son. (the field behind is actually wheat, not corn.)

One of Sean's favorite people, Ryan Kanelly, helped him rototill and plant our makeshift garden. We will be eating corn and potatoes for days and days. 

Charlie loves finding my jewelry. He wears it around the house and is sad when he can't wear it to the grocery store.

figuring out how to wear a hat

He loves water and cups. It was a challenge to get him to drink milk from a sippy.

The race that sent me into retirement.

This marathon was the hardest, least rewarding, most painful, hot, and most boring race that I have EVER run. (but I'll probably train for another one next year....)

Here are the reasons why I did not like this race:
1. We had to run laps. Two and a half laps. The hardest part about running the laps were the signs. I passed the five mile sign that also said that it was mile 15 and mile 25. It depressed me because I had to pass that place two more times.
2. It was an exposed course and the sun was hot that day. I left with a medal around my neck and some pretty terrible sunburn lines.
3. I was sooooo bored! I made a pretty good racing playlist and downloaded it onto my shuffle. I wouldn't let myself listen to any of the music I had downloaded until I ran in the race. At the starting line I placed my headphones in and turned my music on. I heard nothing. The shuffle decided not to function. Great!
4. I ran incorrectly. My posture was completely off. I had a shooting pain in my knee that began in mile 18. I had to walk ten steps and run ten steps. When your goal is to not walk at all, this kills your goal.
5. We dressed incorrectly. We trained in cotton layers, but we trained through the cold winter. The race was a whole lot warmer than we were prepared for. I can't speak for Sean, but I definitely won't wear cotton next time.

The good that came from this race:
1. I spent Saturdays training with my husband and son. We got to set and meet goals weekly and felt very accomplished. It was a great bonding experience as a family.
2. It was more motivating having cheerleaders at the finish line. I have never had this much of a crowd to cheer me on, and I loved it! Sean and Charlie met me as I rounded my last corner. The minute Charlie reached out for me, I started getting teary. I crossed the finish line with tears in my eyes (never done that before). My parents, friends from our ward, and my uncle were also there to cheer me on. It was wonderful!
3. At mile 21 I felt I could continue no longer, from the pain, and had to plead with Heavenly Father to give me the strength to finish. By mile 22 I had a biker come up behind me. The biker was my uncle, and he rode the rest of the way in with me. He talked with me and distracted me from the pain, boredom, and fatigue. I don't know if he quite understands how much that pushed me. I was truly grateful!
4. I completed a goal. Getting through the winter, in a small country town, was more challenging than I anticipated. Having to get out and run four times a week, made the winter more bearable, and even enjoyable.

I really won't go into permanent retirement. I can't sit still. I will run again.

I will run to support my brother-in-law's charity for abused children (specifically sexually abused children) called Run For Innocence. I will run to set and meet a goal, with my husband. I will run to stay healthy and in shape. I will run to teach my children the values of achieving goals. I will run for therapy. I will run for me.

Until next time.....

The lovely out-of-bed photo

Waiting patiently

Love this shot of Sean- shows lots of hard work

Our friend, Jory, finished the half, and was there to cheer us over the finish line.

Charlie loved having his dad back. Sean was a little out of it, trying to catch his breath and process what had just happened.

My uncle crossing on his bike and me coming over the bridge.

It's amazing what your body does when you run like this. Sean had a white sweat river that dried on the side of his face.

The race workers escorted me right into the first aid tent to ice my knee. The girl sitting next to me, Francys, kept me company as we were both in pain and hobbling. She happened to be LDS also.

The finishers: Jory, myself, and Sean. (and of course, Charlie)

one year photo shoot

Charlie started his life in the 33 percentile (for height and weight) and has slowly dropped all the way to the FIRST for weight and FOURTH for height. His head is still in the 60th. I feed him, but the combination of not loving food and loving to run around makes for a small little dude. He hasn't been weaned due to the fact that I want to make sure he is getting a little extra.

Here is our little handsome little squirt! I am grateful for such talented friends who took the time to take these photos. More to come....

Even though I don't love that I am so white and my hair blends in with the door, I love that I finally have a picture of the two of us smiling.

I didn't know how much I would love being a mom. It may be stressful, and I may have turned slightly frumpy, but I wouldn't trade being a stay-at-home mother for anything. I love my little, curious, jabbering, helpful, very active, Charlie!

March and all of its madness!

March was fun, very busy, and comical.

To start the month, we had to re-baby proof the house for an active, walking, toddler.

Then it was birthday after birthday for close friends, as well as Charlie and me. A good time was had (as well as a good piece of cake) at each celebration.

Luckily we were able to head to my parents' place for a weekend. While we were there we celebrated Charlie's birthday with some of his cousins. It was a simple celebration, but just what fit his desires.

Sean surprised me with a trip to a spa for my birthday. He took half a day off of work and watched Charlie while I relaxed. I have NEVER been pampered like that. I felt like I was in heaven. He definitely was speaking fluently in the language of love. Some friends had thrown me a wonderful surprise party the day before the big day, so I thought I was going to have nothing to do on my actual birthday. Thankfully I was wrong!

As we reached the end of the month Sean and I could be found sweating (and burning off the birthday cake that had been consumed) as we ran, pushing a stroller, 16-18 miles on Saturdays. Thankfully good friends made arrangements to pick us up at the end of each long run so that we didn't have to run back in the nasty wind that suddenly has settled in this valley.

The true MADness of March came last week when I noticed that my drivers license had expired by a week. I hauled Charlie, myself, the stroller, snacks, and all the legal proof I needed to the DMV. The trip was disappointing. I sat there with a fussy strapped-in toddler who wanted to be walking around the place. As I sat there waiting I watched as this poor little old man failed all his tests and had his license revoked. I felt so bad for him. I forgot about those sad feelings when I had my documents passed back to me by a lady that was telling me I had to test all over again. I thought she just meant the written, which I felt I had in the bag, but unfortunately she meant the drive test as well. I obviously couldn't test with Charlie, so off we went. I have been illegally driving for a few days as I study for my tests that I will be taking this week. I feel 16. Sean wants to set up cones and practice parking in the church parking lot. Oh I really feel 16.

Onto the Charlie pictures....

Charlie's (simple) first cupcake

We love cousins! Thankfully Eli, Ryder, and Ethan were able to come have pizza, fruit, cupcakes, and ice cream with us.

Loving that he had complete control of the cupcake!

"Here dad, want some?"

After  the cupcake face paint, he was off to the bath. Once clean Charlie enjoyed joining the big boys in a little LEGO building. He played with DUPLO while they played with actual legos.

Somewhere between Christmas and his birthday Charlie learned how to unwrap his gifts.

Loving the warmer weather!

Our 365 day parenting course

Charlie is spent! His day was full and celebrated and he is clueless as to why, but he was happy the whole time. He woke up to balloons around the house and a new toy in the center of the living room-- a tunnel. We had German pancakes for breakfast, went to story time at the library, blew bubbles, had a fudgecicle, played in the dirt, went running, had finger food for dinner, read stories, had a glow-stick bath, watched Baby Einstein Signs, opened presents, and had visits from friends. Now that he is asleep I can finally write how I have been feeling.....

I don't think I could have sat in a college course, taken endless amounts of notes, read multiple books, passed several exams, and come out knowing what I know now about parenting. Maybe it's because there are much deeper feelings, in my heart, than I could have had just by studying from an outsider's perspective.

The moments that made up the last 365 days have been all over the spectrum. As I sit here now, my thoughts are bouncing all over and I am hoping I can at least catch a few to document.

The most memorable moment of Charlie's first year, for me, was captured on video. Thankfully. I can't think about it without crying, let alone watch it without sitting in a puddle of my dripping emotion. The moment was holding him for the first time and having him stare right up at me and know exactly who I was.

Two of the most hilarious moments were: one, when I was pooped on in the bath (lots of yellow mustard-y newborn poop), and two (I'm not proud to admit this), when I full on peed my pants. Yes, I learned shortly after recovering that Keigls were a must. Too bad I learned that after the fact. I lost control of my bladder two months ago. Sean was taking advantage of the fact that I had poor bladder control and that I was giggling  uncontrollably. I felt like I did when I was in kindergarten and had to come back to class with a change of clothes-- that weren't mine. My pants were soaking wet and my pride went right out the door. Note* I ALWAYS have to use the facilities before I run, otherwise....

The moments I secretly love (even though they are problematic when I try to leave Charlie) are when he wants me. He always wants me to be close to him when we are in a strange place or surrounded by lots of people. I feel he is complementing me and telling me just how much he loves me. I guess I love complements and expressions of love.

The first fever kept me up all night! I was checking on him every half hour or so. I was sure that when his temperature reached 102 we needed to call an ambulance. Thank heavens Sean is much more level-headed in those moments.

The other hilarious moments have to be when I tried to change into a swimsuit, in a car, so that I could avoid changing in a public bathroom with a baby (the things you never think of). While changing into my swimsuit Charlie moved his way up to the front seat and brought a lot of unwanted stares our way-- as if the situation I was already in wasn't challenging enough. Also, trying to use a public restroom while holding a wiggling little one, so that he doesn't get covered in germs, is always a struggle. I have learned that I MUST use the bathroom before I leave the house and then to not drink anything while gone. (Most of the lessons I've learned in life are embarrassing)

I can never get enough of the cuddly moments. I could read him all 150 books on his shelf just so that he would sit on my lap and cuddle.

Secretly I was beaming with pride when 'Mamamamama' was the first word that was recognizable. He now calls me 'MaMom' and Sean 'DaDad'.

We say 'Uh-oh' instead of 'no', and it's cute when he recognizes that he did something bad and will turn around and say 'uh-oh'.

I didn't realize that boogers could get everywhere, when your child has a runny nose. Now it's a 'duh' comment, but seriously, I was naive. My left shoulder seems to always have Charlie markings.

I used to love dressing for the occasion, but now I prefer to wear a t-shirt/sweatshirt and jeans.

I used to never sing. Pandora is set to kids songs. Charlie and I sing and dance (he loves being slow-danced with, cheek to cheek)

My life is forever changed, and I love it!

His LOVES: dad and mom, books, being sung to, dogs, knocking blocks over, bath time, Baby Einstein, showering, nursing, Patty Cake (this saves us at church). Gogurts, finger foods, story time at the library, being outside, bubbles, being pushed in the stroller, sitting in the driver's seat, doing chores (laundry, dishwasher, and making beds), toilets, tampons, garbages (all the disgusting things), and walking.

His DISLIKES: being babysat, having his diaper changed, cold food (except gogurts), things on his head, having his nose wiped, his car seat, when you take something away from him, and when dad has to go to work.

So happy he found dad

Playing Peek-A-Boo

A FAVORITE chore: making the bed

Preparing himself for his next favorite task.

Second favorite chore: unloading the dryer onto the (clean) floor

The birthday gift

pleased with his new tunnel

birthday euphoria

Our new church distraction-- puppets

He was saying "mmmmmm mmm mmmmmm mmm"

The birthday boy before the birthday nap

Glow stick bubble bath