Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Worst Night. Ever!

If only this was all just a bad dream......

Before I hit the pillow, I was talking to Sean about my flat iron. Yes, my flat iron. Poor Sean. I was telling him that I didn't remember turning it off at work. It was actually stressing me out, and I think I may of had a little anxiety attack. I kept thinking worst case scenarios, which was no good while trying to fall asleep.

We prayed together and then I prayed, like a primary child (very specific, lengthy, and repetitive), about my flat iron. I was asking things like 'please let it short out', 'please let the cleaners go directly to my flat iron and know to turn it off', 'please don't let my boss know what I have done', and so on. My prayer was LONG and mainly just about my flat iron, the salon, and fire prevention.

Finally I drifted off to sleep.

4 a.m. came along, and I woke up sweating profusely and shaking. Sean had his arm around me and it was drenched with my sweat. He woke up as I sat straight up in a panic. Still half asleep, he asked me what was going on. I told him that I had a nightmare about the salon. In my dream my flat iron sparked and started a fire. The fire then spread throughout the salon and up into the apartments above the salon. The firemen came and found that it was my flat iron that started the whole thing. The salon was ruined. The tenants living above the salon had burnt up belongings and no home. My boss and everyone I worked with were yelling at me. I was being sued for being so irresponsible, and was most certainly fired. It was a terrible dream and I felt like it really happened and started panicking about my darn flat iron again.

I don't know if Sean caught on to all the details in my nightmare, but I knew I had to do one thing. I grabbed the keys and told him I had to go to the salon. Yes, I was on the way to the salon by myself at 4:15 am. During the 15 minute drive I was convinced that I was out with all of the car thieves and the rest of the Pittsburgh trouble makers. I got a little scared, but knew I had to check on the salon.

I got to the salon and jumped out of the car. I was wearing my black sweats with the hood up on my head- totally inconspicuous. I went over to the window, cupped my hands around my eyes and tried to see if my flat iron was on. I looked like I was about to do something sketchy, but knew that nobody was watching me. WRONG. People were waiting at the bus stop right across the street. I didn't care what they thought at the time. All I could think about was the flat iron. I couldn't tell if it was on, but I felt good knowing that the salon and apartment complex were still intact and fire-free.

By the time I got home Sean was awake and confused. Poor Sean. I told him what I did and he thought I was crazy. Shoot, I thought I was crazy.

I fell back asleep and woke up an hour later. I had the same dream. I had the same reaction. I responded the same way.

Two trips to the salon in black sweats. Two times I cupped my hands around my eyes. Two times I peered, like a night time creep, through the window. Two times I had an audience watching me from the bus stop across the street.

I made it to work. So what if I was there three hours early. I found out that my flat iron was safely unplugged all night long, and I had nothing to worry about all along.

Unfortunately my bad luck hadn't ended when I found my flat iron unplugged. I realized that this whole thing was on tape and that those that witnessed the dark clothed salon stalker, from across the street, probably called the police. I knew I had to tell my boss about my trips to the salon in the middle of the night. I was embarrassed, but I knew he would hear from security guards and see all the footage on camera. Yes, my trips were each recorded. I felt so stupid, but so relieved that my nightmare was that- just a nightmare. Stupid nightmare.

I told my boss. My boss looked at me like I was crazy. Then asked if I was pregnant. I wished so badly that I could blame my behavior on something other than paranoia, but I couldn't.

I NEVER want to relive last night- EVER! I am tired, embarrassed, and slightly worried I may have a psychological disorder.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Rachel's Definition of MARRIAGE

I had to write down all that I have learned from being married. I don't think I knew what marriage meant until I hopped in. I am looking forward to defining marriage every ten years. I bet I will laugh at this definition, especially the M. Sean will soon take the lead--phew!

Money. I make a majority of the money. I now feel responsible and instead of feeding my shopping habits, I am feeding an always-hungry husband. The grocery store sees me a whole lot more. The mall sees me a WHOLE lot less. I have also lost some(definitely not all) of the desire to spend money on myself. I would much rather purchase something that we can both enjoy. AWWW, she grew up!

djustments. There have been MANY. My life has done several 180s in the past year, and I can now say that I have adjusted to the Pittsburgh personalities, diversity, potholes (they are terrible!!!), weather, new career, new friends, new ward, new home, and the fact that everything is N-E-W. Adjustments that have come in marriage have been countless. To name a few-- spending habits, communication, sleeping habits, eating habits, bathroom habits, school habits, work habits, cleaning habits, how we like to spend our free time, and how we like the toilet seat to be.

Rachel. I think less of Rachel, alone, independent, I, me, my, and mine. Instead I think more of us, ours, yours, you, we, together, dependent, and Sean.

Reality. I guess I watched too many chick flicks prior to getting married. Although Sean is a wonderful husband, he does not smell, look, act, or dress like a lead in a chick flick. Lets be honest, I don't smell, look, act or dress like the chick in chick flicks, but I always thought that your hair would always be perfectly in place and you'd smell like a fantastic perfume, even after a long run in the heat. The things out of both of our mouths sometimes should be sucked back in and the residue they left, wiped away. Being married doesn't mean you will naturally wake up and have the best day. The best day comes by creating it. You choose your attitude, and try to adjust to your spouse's. (My job has put me in bad moods, and I forget to leave my bad mood at work sometimes, and I have had to realize that I am the one that needs to keep a positive attitude-- Sean is really even tempered, whereas I am learning I am not.)

Intimate. Sharing everything. Hiding nothing-- well, maybe I hide a few dollars here and there so that I can spend every now and then.

Amazed. I had a lot of trust issues prior to marriage. I have always been affected by watching others. As I have seen several families crumble, I thought that it was impossible to have a marriage that was successful, loving, and trustworthy. I have found, in my temple marriage to Sean, that I am amazed every day. I am amazed by the unconditional love that comes from him to me, his family, the gospel, his young men, and every living being/thing out in this world. I am amazed by his commitment to the gospel through honoring his priesthood and temple covenants. I am amazed that my love for him never goes away, not even for a second. I am amazed at his endless talents. I am amazed at how hard-working he is and how much time he spends studying. I am amazed that I found someone I can't imagine living without.

Great hair! I hope our kids get his!

ternal. Eternity to me is a circle. A circle is never ending and goes round and round. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of eternity with anyone but Sean. I am excited to create an eternal family with him. (no, we are not pregnant)

Sappy? Yes. But, in all honesty, I think this captures the bad, ugly, wonderful and eternal feelings and lessons learned thus far.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


That is all that is going through my mind right now.

I am waiting at Panera (a restaurant next to work) for Sean to pick me up. He needed the car for young mens tonight. I started catching up on blog reading when a very friendly man came in and sat right next to me. This man is probably in his later 50s. He is still sitting close and staring. A few minutes ago, we may have had this conversation.

Him "Hey angel"

Me "Hello"

Him "Is that one of them laptop things?"

Me(not feeling like talking to this man at all) "Yep"

Him "Well, I have always wanted one of those"

Me(thinking he is going to take it and my purse) "They are nice to have"

Him "To be honest, I would rather have you sitting on my lap"

WHAT WHAT WHAT did you just say????? Sean, get here faster!!!

He then got mad at me and left the seat right next to me to the one across from me. He said that I wasn't very good at conversations. Hmmmm that's odd, especially since I am sitting here with headphones in my ears typing-- what makes him think I am up for conversation about sitting on his lap?

Oh Pittsburgh!