Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The One-Handed Magic Show

Let me tell you about this new magic show.
It goes on each day, in the rain, sleet, or snow.

It never cancels, the magician is always performing.
A guarantee, I will give, is that it'll never be boring.

The tricks that are done are practiced all the day long.
Sometimes, while performing, she even hums a sweet song.

What tricks are performed? The inquisitive will ask.
The magician responds without straying from her task.

"Cooking, cleaning, organizing, and packing get done;
friends visited, phone calls made, and errands get run."

"How is that magic?" the bystanders will ask aloud.
"It just is," the magician gets sassy with the crowd.

A rule, with magic, is to never reveal the secret,
but, trusting her audience, she thinks they will keep it.

"It's done by holding a small child in your weakest arm,
if you feel pain, just know, it won't cause permanent harm.

Hold that child there all throughout the long day,
keep changing positions so that nothing's in it's way.

A bounce every now and then will definitely do,
as you are dusting make sure that you quiet your 'achoo'.

As you take your slept-on hair and tease it up high,
make sure the hairspray aims away from his eye.

When grabbing the pillows and making your bed,
stand now and then so the blood won't rush to his head.

If anyone out there can master the one-handed shower
you will be crowned with one-handed magical power.

Now on with the laundry and fold it real neat,
no one wants to wear pants that have wrinkles in the seat.

Is your arm getting weaker, feeling sore, and just tired?
Well, keep on bouncing away, cause your baby is wired.

You are realizing it's magic, not talent, by now.
Just be grateful your chore isn't milking a cow.

That would be trouble, but actually hilarious to see,
a one-handed milker down on his only free knee.

Well, that is how I became the one-handed magician.
It didn't take long, just some time spent in my kitchen.

I haven't expanded to knitting,  Dr. Mario, or writing.
I have been able to master the one-handed style of typing.

Folks, practice at home before you invite others to view,
the one-handed magic show performed just by you."

(This ran through my head tonight while I was gathering laundry, picking up the living room, and making dinner, one-handed. I started calling myself the one-handed magician.)


rjd said...

So true! No wonder men don't have babies......Tadaahhhhh!

James said...

Haha, your poetry rivals that of Robert Frost. Well done.

Jeana said...

Funny! =)

Kaela Cusack said...

you're so clever :) i just LOVE his little face in that 2nd picture!

Desiree P said...

Very true. Great poetry too. I also suggest buying some kind of carrier so that you can use both hands every now and then (I personally love my sling, as does Rajan).

Becca said...

It's truly an art, isn't it??! One-handed life, that's motherhood! Love the poem; I can't believe that your mind is this sharp at this point. My mind was mush for at least the first six months.

Paige said...

Rach, you are hilarious. My favorite line:
When grabbing the pillows and making your bed,
stand now and then so the blood won't rush to his head.

To second Desiree-- slings are awesome sometimes. But holding a little one does wonders for your biceps :) That won't be your weak arm for long.

Kristin said...

You are quite the poet Rachel. You should think about getting a baby carrier that you can wear with him snuggled close to you so that you can have TWO hands available. =)

bob and sara rich said...

I am amazed at your talents Rachel! You cut hair, nurse boo boo's, and write poetry...anything else you are professionally educated in that I don't know about?! Your blog is so fun to read!

jbroclayto said...

I love love love your poems!