Confessions of a new mom

A preview of my next post- 'Charlie, the super model'

Before Charlie arrived, I thought we were pretty prepared. I didn't expect anything but being sleep-deprived and snuggling a newborn. I thought I was ready to take on the titles of mom, cook, house cleaner, socializer, laundry woman, athlete, well.......pretty much super woman. Instead, reality showed it's lovely face and smacked me right on my booty!

The truth is, sometimes I feel like:

one large boob, udder, couch potato baby feeder,

when Sean walks in the door I want to be fed, bathed, swaddled, and rocked to sleep all while he sings to me, coos, tells me how much he loves me and that I am the cutest thing ever.

I am so excited to get out of the house that I get ready in advance, only to get buckled into the car and hear a juicy explosion from my favorite little passenger and then hungry cries following an emptied little digestive system. We then get unbuckled and head back into the house and decide not to go anywhere because we will be very late to whatever it was.

taking a long walk. After the long walk by body grounds me for the next day. I am grounded because I did too too much.

I get anxious everywhere I go, protecting my baby, while I view everyone as giant germs. After five people have asked to see him, I am ready to go home.

everyone drives way too fast.

Charlie's first vehicle will be a school bus.

I have to go the bathroom five minutes ago. I then am forced to do feel like doing a bathroom dance.

I have forgotten to do something very important, and then in the evening I remember what that thing was. I forgot to brush my teeth.

I wish Sean had boobs udders baby feeders.

wishing for three wishes. All of them being 12 hours of sleep.

a nervous wreck, checking on Charlie's breathing throughout the night.

swear words seem to be extra loud, cigarette smoke is extra strong, and swimsuit models are extra skanky.

I want to protect this little guy from everything and everyone!

Even though I have had unexpected, uncomfortable, nervous, tired, stressful, emotional, anxious, or irritable moments, I wouldn't trade these moments for anything! I would never want to be anyone but a wife and mother. I am in love with these two boys!

If pictures say 1000 words...........

..........why do these leave me speechless?

All I can do is drool. We are loving life. I am in love with my boys.

loving life at home

Coming home has been so wonderful. As we walked out of the NICU with Charlie, I felt slightly panicked. Suddenly I thought about leaving the security of having him on monitors, loud alarms if something should go wrong with the little ones, and nurses and doctors a plenty.

The NICU nurses were so wonderful. Charlie had his very own nurse that would check on him all of the time. One told me that when she was feeding him, she just rocked him and kept telling him how beautiful he was. I, of course, got emotional. I just knew he was taken care of when I couldn't be there.

So as we were pulling out of the hospital a little panic filled my body. I was worried he wouldn't make it through the night. I wanted to take his EKG machine home so that I could look up in the middle of the night with his heart rate flashing.

We came home and had a wonderful dinner dropped off, and several offers. We were completely taken care of. 

The first night home he woke up about every hour and a half. Each time I heard his little cry, I was so happy to get up. I was so happy to have him sleeping next to us for the first time. I was so happy that he was living. Every time I hear his cry it makes me calm, because after he was born that's all I wanted to hear, and never did. Hearing him cry makes me know that he is living, breathing, and getting better each day.

The first full day at home, the hospital sent a nurse by to check his vitals and to weigh him. He tested perfectly. He cries each time he is checked by someone, but calms when Sean and me talk or hold him. Grandma Joanie came out to stay and arrived that evening. We also had another good friend drop by groceries and another sweet gift. We have been taken care of.

The second night, Charlie went four and a half hours between feedings! I woke up and freaked out cause I thought he must have struggled and I slept through it. Nope, we just learned to swaddle better, and he had a much more full stomach. It has made the world of difference having him be able to eat and have such a full tummy.

The second day home, Sean and Grandma were able to care for him and I slept in until ten in the morning when I needed to feed him again. We then went to the pediatrician for a thorough check-up. He passed with flying colors, and has been gaining weight. Since he is still under his birth weight, we have to go in for another appointment in three days.

We have been smiling and so much calmer than we were when we were at the hospital. We love being parents and can't stop staring at our little miracle. He brings such a sweet, calming spirit to our home.

removing his EKG stickers and wires

Wearing the shirt Sean came home from the hospital in. I was sure it would be too small for him, but it's a bit too big.

This picture makes me laugh-- so tiny. His pacifier is almost as big as his face.

First night home

and this is why we can't stop staring at him

His hands are ALWAYS up near his mouth. During ultrasounds he had his hands up by his face too.

For some reason I thought we would have a bald headed child. I love this head of hair!

My boys

Meeting Grandma Joanie and her camera.

I hated all of the pictures of me at the hospital. I was on magnesium, swollen, and very emotional. Made for lovely photos!!

Discharged

Hey everybody, it's Charlie, and I'm delivering a message from me and my parents. "Hallelujah! Clear the roads!!!! My mom says if you don't drive the speed limit, she'll tell on you! "

Oh yeah, "can we take room service and a nurse home too?"

"No more ivs, c-paps, stomach tubes, ekg monitors, or blood draws for me. Yay!!!"

the day that came in like a lion........

..........went out like a lamb.

Our Little Charlie

 Our little guy arrived this morning at 3:30. The doctors had me start pushing at 3:10, and luckily I only had about five pushes and he was out. I think it was due to the fact that my epidural was wearing off and I was in so much pain, I just wanted the pressure to go away, so I pushed so hard.

So, out he came with a surprise. His cord was wrapped around his neck and he was a bit blue. He couldn't breathe on his own, and I felt helpless as I layed in my bed and watched as the doctors piled in around him. They took our little guy immediately to the NICU to put him on oxygen and to test his blood.

I developed a fever around midnight, so they also thought Charlie was affected by my high temperature. They put a C-PAP in his nose, as well as a feeding tube, and then they gave him a little i.v. to get antibiotics rushing through his system to take care of whatever he got from my fever. They also sent some of his blood, as well as some of my placenta, in for tests to see if there was an infection shared between the two of us.

Everything happened so quickly, that I didn't realize how sick I was really feeling. The nurse came in and told Sean that he could see Charlie but that I would have to be hooked to Magnesium and have several different tests to beat the pre-eclampsia that I had. My protein count, in my urine, was up to 1733, when it should be 300, and my blood pressure was 172/98. They were worried that I would have a seizure and so they needed to get my numbers down.

So, here I sit. I am hooked up to several machines that are beeping or blinking. I've exposed myself to several different nurses, doctors, students, etc... I have dreamed of the moment when I could hold my baby, and I am still dreaming of that moment. It's been seven hours since he was born and taken away. I am very emotional and anxiously waiting for the chance to kiss his head and hold his little i.v.-clad hand in my i.v.-clad hand.

We love our little (6 lb 14 oz) Charlie, and are grateful he pulled through a rough night!





One of the best moments of my life. Finally getting to hold Charlie

 




40 Weeks

‘Twas the night of the due date and all through our house

Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse;

Our hospital bags were packed by the doorway with care,

In hopes the need to use them, soon would be there;

Stuffed animals were nestled all snug in the crib,

While I tossed and I turned, two small feet in my rib;

And Sean in his blue scrubs, and I in black sweats,

Contractions were steady they were making such threats,

When out of the blue a call came from my bladder,

Sean jumped, he was startled, but nothing was the matter.

Away to the bathroom I waddled real slow,

Nothing unusual, this happened the last 100 days in a row.

I tossed and I turned throughout the whole night,

Contractions doing nothing but making things tight;

My legs felt so puffy, I didn’t know why,

I looked down at them and let out a loud sigh;

All the water I had before bedtime went down,

It rested in my ankles, causing me to frown.

The glamour of this pregnancy was suddenly gone,

Unfortunately, I knew, he wouldn’t be arriving at dawn.

The doctor’s appointments were growing quite old,

Especially sitting exposed, in a room that was always cold.

I was done with them explaining no progress thus far,

Eyeing their instruments, I contemplated taking them to my car.

I kept day-dreaming up an at home induction,

I figured You-Tube would have thorough instruction.

Glancing up in the mirror, I could do nothing but stare,

The image I saw had blood-shot eyes, and horrendous hair.

He needed to come soon, and I realized I had to loudly call,

“Break water! Break water! Break water! FALL!!!!

Here’s hoping he doesn’t arrive two weeks late,

But knowing my track record, it would surely be my fate.

We can’t wait to see ten small fingers and toes,

if he has hair, long legs, or his daddy’s definitive nose.

This little guy is loved, and we haven’t even met,

A decision eternally made, without ever any regret.