Falling

(For journaling purposes)

When I got married, I thought I couldn't love Sean anymore than I did that day. I thought that eventually life would get mundane and we'd have to think of ways to keep the relationship exciting.

I remember that several people told me that the love we had for one another would just deepen and change from infatuation to dependency. There have been a good amount of moments that I don't want to write about, but then there are the ones that I want to relive over and over again. Those are the moments that I can actually feel myself falling even deeper. Tonight one of those moments happened. It was simple. It was quick. It was touching. It will always be remembered.

First, a little background..... Sean and I decided that we wanted to try to have FHE each week, even though it was just going to be the two of us in attendance for awhile. We played around with different ideas, and finally settled on one. After the last general conference, we decided that each Monday we would sit down and listen to one of the general conference talks. It has been nice, and sometimes it has been rough- because our lives are so busy, but it has been beneficial.

Tonight we listened to Elder Uchtdorf's talk given to the priesthood brethren. In it he talks about having patience (he probably was speaking to me in regards to my job, teaching sunbeams, and other aspects of my life). He started talking about several different situations that required patience.

"The children of Israel waited 40 years in the wilderness before they could enter the promised land. Jacob waited 7 long years for Rachel......"

He went on, but I couldn't tell you what he said after that because Sean then said this:

"I waited 7 years for my Rachel."

We then talked about how he met me 7 years after his mission.

And that is how easily I fall.

Through My Eyes

Today I watched as the primary children (I especially watched my cute sunbeams)got up to sing to their mothers for Mother's Day. At the end of one song they signed 'I love you' and pointed to their mothers. As they did this, I started thinking of how I must've felt about my mother when I was a three-year-old. My mind did some wandering, and here is where it went....

Through the eyes of a three-year-old, this is what I see:

-a mother who is constantly bending over and picking up after her three kids
-a mother who comes in and straightens my quilt in the middle of the night as I scream because it is wrinkled.
-a mother who sat up at night and read to each of us kids from the hallway outside of our rooms
-a mother who makes everything from scratch
-a mother who sews our clothes, bedding and other various items
-a mother who spends lots of time on her knees, playing with her children
-a mother who can do anything

Through the eyes of an eight-year-old, this is what I see:

-a mother who will drop everything to run me to the hospital for stitches (more than once that year)
-a mother who can turn her junk yard into a beautiful flower, fruit, and vegetable garden
-a mother who never takes time for herself
-a mother who regulates the amount of time we are influenced by the media
-a mother who makes sure our lunches are made with the healthiest ingredients and adds love
-a mother who spends lots of time on her knees and feet, playing and exploring with her children
-a mother who proudly displays all of our handmade creations
-a mother of five, who can do anything

Through the eyes of a teenager, this is what I see:

-a mother who tries to sleep, but stays up until each of her precious children are home in bed
-a mother who leads the young women of the ward
-a mother who loves attending any of our events: gymnastics, volleyball games, softball games, band concerts, mutual activities, youth conferences, youth dances, graduations, plays, and anything else that we were somewhat involved in
-a mother who realizes that each of her children want to make their own decisions, and stands back as we do so
-a mother who gets up and makes a warm breakfast before we head out to early morning seminary at 6 am
-a mother who is tired, but can do anything

Through the eyes of a young adult, all on her own, this is what I see:

-a mother who soaks up anytime that she can spend when her children return home
-a mother who has not only developed, but fine-tuned, her talents as a gardener and a seamstress
-a mother who gives all of her love to her children, whether they follow her teachings or not
-a mother who can't rock us in her rocking chair, but still tries
-a mother who proudly displays our artwork from 20 + years ago
-a mother who savors the small things in life
-a mother who can do anything

Through the eyes of a twenty seven-year-old, adjusting to life on the other side of the country, this is what I see:

-a mother who has an empty home, and now can go back to school, and gives 100% to studying and succeeding in each of her classes
-a mother who has no children at home, and happily welcomes each of them back whenever they need to come, or however long they need to stay
-a mother who is seasoned and can answer any of your questions about the small or great things in life
-a mother who has a very comforting voice, and will talk to you at any hour of the day
-a mother who lives life to the fullest, stands firm in her beliefs, leads by example, welcomes any challenges that may come, sees things with an eternal perspective, and loves unconditionally
-a mother who can do anything

Through my eyes, I have a mother who is perfect. I am thankful for all of her imperfections, because they make her even more perfect!

I love you, mom!

Today

My life, over the past year, has done a 180. Some of the changes have been wonderful, and some have been a bit less enjoyable, but in hindsight they will probably end up being wonderful for how they've helped shape my life.

This weekend I heard something that struck me. I've heard it before, but yesterday it shook me.

First, I'll give a little background.

Sean is the young men's president and I am one of the lucky sunbeam teachers. Sean has meetings every Sunday before church at 8 am. Since we have one car, I head into church early and finish preparing my lesson. This Sunday I finished preparations a bit earlier than usual. I sat in the car as the rain pounded, not wanting to make the dash in until it let up a little bit. I put in a conference cd and listened to the comforting words of Thomas S. Monson. The talk I was listening to is entitled 'Finding Joy in the Journey' (October conference of '08). My favorite portion of his talk was this:

"Day by day, minute by minute, second by second we went from where we were to where we are now. The lives of all of us, of course, go through similar alterations and changes. The difference between the changes in my life and the changes in yours is only in the details. Time never stands still; it must steadily march on, and with the marching come the changes.

This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."

Needless to say, I have not been focusing on finding joy in all of my Pittsburgh journey. I have found joy in many things, but also have found time to complain about things that I don't love about my experience. The joys I have experienced here tip the scale in comparison to the ones that aren't so....joyful, but for some reason I remember the harder moments.

My new goal is to make every day count. I want to take every opportunity I have been given and make the most of it.

I don't want to wish for next year to come anymore.

I wanted to publicly let everyone know of the simple truths that I know to be true, yesterday, but decided I didn't have everything thought through. Here goes....

I know I have had constant companionship from a loving Heavenly Father through all the changes in my life. I know who I am and I know where I am headed. I don't know where I would be without this knowledge. I am grateful that our modern-day prophet put it all into perspective for me yesterday. I know that all experiences are for our good. I know I am loved.

“You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.” ~Professor Harold Hill (Music Man)

I want to make today count. I don't want empty yesterdays.