Thursday, June 4, 2009

Caught Off Guard

Over the past 6 months what I already knew has been confirmed--I hate flying! I don't like being stuck with a three hour layover in the middle of the day or night. I don't like that they stopped serving lunch on long flights and that you have to pay for them now. I don't like that I always seem to be the lucky one to get patted down and my bags searched. I don't like that my watch got stolen in the security line while I was getting a pat-down. I don't like the stomach gas that I always get from the ascending and descending. Most importantly, I don't like the business men I get stuck sitting by that talk about their wives and children all the while putting their hands on my legs and complimenting me, and double-checking with me that I had someone picking me up at the airport--vomit! I know that not all traveling business men are shady, but I seem to be the lucky one that gets to sit next to the ones that are.

Anyways, I was caught off guard with the giggles on my last flight, and this is why. The flight attendant (male) threw his own spin on the whole safety presentation that they do at the beginning of every single flight. I had to write down what he was saying cause I thought it was so funny. Today, while cleaning my room, I ran across the paper and laughed again.

"This flight is a non-smoking, non-crying and non-whining flight"
"We are expecting a smooth flight, if we weren't, we would've called in sick"
"The flight attendants will come through the cabin to make sure your tray tables are locked, luggage is properly stowed, seat backs are up and that your shoes and socks match your outfits."
"Sit back and relax, or lean forward and be tense"
"We are going to dim the lights to enhance the attractiveness of your flight attendants"

Absolutely KILLED me!


S.Ann said...

He was good. Once, and we've flown at least 10 times since our mission, we had a humorous flight attendant...also male. I think they should make it a requirement. Grandpa has to be wanded every time since he had his hip replacement - it's titanium. I always feel bad for him but there's no getting around it. Now come next January I'll be in the same boat because I have to have a knee replaced. I'm putting it off as long as possible. The worst flight of all was the last one and I was alone. I'll never fly US Airways again! Next time that you get next to an obnoxious masher you should raise your hand and ask for another seat.But it must just be because your young and beautiful because it's never happened to me!! Love you. G'ma N

Carly and Todd said...

I love a good flight attendant too! They are rare. He was a good one. I am glad you wrote that all down!

Will said...

I hope the creepy guy was an isolated incident but I'm guessing that it wasn't. I like the funny sarcastic announcers too.

Kaela Cusack said...


iyouandme said...

I LOVE male flight attendants. (They tend to be nicer and friendlier). ALSO, gross about the business men but come one, can you blame them?

Liz Morrill said...

Love it Rachel!!!

Scooter said...

grandadonascooter said that
he is in awe with your fun,
and seriousness too. Most times flight attendants are
very sterile... without the human kindness. As to eager
males sitting next to very sexy ladies .. not all are
forward, and pawing.